Lynda - The Best Thing to Ever Happen to Me

2006-12-06T21:03:00.000-08:00

This is Lynda. This blog is about her. Obviously Lynda is older now than she was when this picture was taken. She hates that I show people this picture, and secretly I told her I wouldn't anymore but it's so adorable. How do you not? Crazy! Anyway, those just joining us, Lynda is my wonderful, sweetpiece of perfection pie that met at the supermarket back in September. She works at an airport where she is the plane lander on the tarmack. She is also amazing.

Anyway, this picture is in my possession because she and I were talking about food and it's effects on the human body. Specifically, foods effects on my body. Okay, really, we were out to dinner and couldn't find a place to go and she was like "let's just go to the olive garden". And I didn't want to but she was frustrated and cold and jsut watned to go somewhere close. I had to breakdown and tell her my deep dark secret about the olive garden.

It puts me to sleep. The food at the OG knocks me out. I sleep for like the entire meal. When I was a kid, whenver we would go, I would fall asleep facedown in my food. Without fail, everytime. Last time I went there I was probably 18 and same thing, I was passing out at the table so I went and slept in the car for the rest of the meal. Fuck that place.

She laughed when I revealed my painful past, which, I'll admit, stung my soul gently. I threw on some silent treatment and she felt bad, and to make me feel better, emailed me this picture.

Clearly we're soulmates!

2006-12-03T20:42:00.000-08:00

Jack from LOST and the Greatest Band in the World, nay known universe seemed like it would be an amazing line-up for Saturday Night Live, despite the floundering and freshman cast with very few high points, but even a good host-musical guest combo couldn't drag the show out of it's unfunny depths. But no. Lynda and I watched about 45 minutes of the show and laughed a combined once, but to be fair, Lynda doesn't watch LOST so she missed many of the jokes about the show. "What's up with the smoke monster? I think it's a mix of nightmares and trees." It made me chuckle. Even the D couldn't really get it done. This new album, soundtrack to the movie they are praying reaches clut status, has been subfar and not funny. The problem is, Jack Black is too famous. The D was only funny when they had these huge egos that they stroked themselves and for eachother since no one else would. Now everyone can't wait to love Jack Black up and dow until he tells them to say stop; and JBles isn't telling anyone to stop. Personally, they were the best concert I have ever seen: and I have seen the Monkees.

Anyway, what happened to the days of a funny SNL sketches? When I was a kid I remember watching old espisodes from the 70's and 90's (not the scary 80's espisodes, those were really bad kind of likeit is now) and KIDS IN THE HALL and the old british WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY and really loving shows like that. Nothing really reached the level of SNL of those times, but KIDS and later THE STATE and UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE came really close. Amy Pohler remains one of the consistantly funny people on the current SNL cast, along with Fred Armison, who is better then he is given credit for. Andy Sandberg also has moments of brilliance beyond his over played raps. And of course, I always have a soft spot for Kenan cause he made it all the way from ALL THAT. I respect that. Take that Kel and Little Pete!

Does anyone remember THE DANA CARVEY SHOW? I think it was 4 espisodes and it helped Los Steves (Carrell and Colbert respectively) get more jobs before the early Daily Shows launched them to superstardom.

Lots of good stuff. Funny before things were funny.

2006-11-28T19:36:00.000-08:00

Lynda and John agree, we are not okay with Britney Spears' vagina. At all. There is nothing that could make us look at it again, except that we can't stop. This lead us to think, what is up with this sudden rise in people who hang out with Paris Hilton not ever wearing underwear and showing off the world to the world. I am of course talking about not only the BritSpea and the FireCrotch (and while we're at it, if Brandon "Douchefest" Davis ever saw said Groin-En-Fuego, he would have known her womb hole is ass hairless as it was when she came out of her mother's) showing off their lady bits for all the world to see. If I never see another vagina for the rest of my life... Wait, that is not true. If I ever have to see another celebrity's vagina I'm gonna throw up all on my keyboard. What is wrong with this country? Britney and Paris were all over CNN. CNN! That's what really makes me throw up.

Next week it's gonna be Dakota Fanning's vagina all over Perez or some other blog, for the world to see.

Fucking gross.

2006-11-10T05:53:00.000-08:00

When I was in high school, not meaning to brag, but I was kind of a big deal. I was mostly a local celebrity. I had many exposes written about me in various newspapers, and people... well, let's just say a lot of people knew my name. However, I did basically everything just shy of joining the band to sabotage my status in high school. I read comics, I hung out at coffee shops, I didn't drink or do drugs but still went to parties. It's true, I did smoke and play sports, but still, it's amazing I ever was allowed to make out with a girl in high school. And boy do I love making out. When I was in my sophomore year, playing soccer for the Falmouth clippers, a group of us decided we were a lot like the WCW's NWO (New World Order) Red so we started following their wrestling careers and assumed monikers. I know what you are thinking, clearly I was Macho Man! But no... turns out I was assigned Konan. That was okay, I was appropriately rowdy rowdy and bowdy bowdy.

I was telling this story to Lynda the other night and she was listening intently but when I mistakenly refered to Scott Hall as Razor Ramone, she stopped me and said "But he was only Razor Ramone when he was in the WWF". I was understandably taken aback. How did she know about that? Oh, my, I thought, was (is?!) she a fan?

It turns out during high school she used to attend Raw is War parties, much like I used to, and watch wrestling, with two TV set up to see both WWF's Raw and WCW's Monday night wrestling. Why wasn't I watching football then on Monday nights? I was probably only watching the Patriots then anyway. But I digress. Who me?

So my baby used to watch the wrestling. I can't tell if that make me love her a little more or a lot more. I am leaning towards a whole lot. Her favorite was Rey Mysterio Jr. We talked about when he upset Kevin Nash during Starcade. Then they made him a member of NWO Red. Macho Man was always my favorite. Dating back to the Miss Elizabeth days. Was there a more pure love and vicious love triangle than Hogan - Savage - Miss Elizabeth in the history of the world? I don't know about the love triangle, but as for pure love???

Not till I met Lynda.

2006-11-05T22:01:00.000-08:00

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

So far so good. Lynda hasn't noticed that I am posting again. I was letting a couple of days go by to see if it sparked any more angst, but it seems that month without posting was all we needed. We being you and I. I being me. You being the reader. Unless this is Lynda, in which case, you would've been her. No modifier left dangling!

Anyways... Lynda and I haven't spent much time together lately. Iknow what you are thinking, but don't worry, everything is totally cool. It just that she has been super busy lately. The airport business is a strange one to be sure, but not really all that different. Busy season is the high traffic season, holidays and blah blah and to get time off she has to accumulate hours now. We don't have any concrete plans, nor really any abstract, but that is the time that I have off, so we were thinking of working something out. I wonder if she gets travel discounts?

I asked.

It's weird. She's an airport employee technically, which classifies her as a government employee. And since she works the international tarmacs, she is a federal employee who is covered under all kinds of securities clearances and what not. However since she is not a direct employee of a particular airline, she doesn't really get discounts. It's crazy. And a huge complaint for the union. They also don't like when you call their glowsticks light sabers or make Star Wars references. Seriously. They get real pissed off. And, oddly enough, those sticks get really hot and can burn a little. Like sunburn burn. Nothing major, just annoying. Like people that reference Star Wars.

So we are gonna try to go somewhere maybe around teh holidays. Which? No idea. Where? No idea. We are using Napoleon's plan.

Show up. See what happens.

2006-10-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

Lets get one thing straight: secrets always make friends. Especially really good secrets. There is a common misconception that secrets DON'T make friends. Teachers would tell you this when you would whisper in class in elementry school. I fondly remember my CCD teacher tell me that and I always wanted to argue with her, but she had God on her side and I rarely do. Anyway - what do secrets and friend making have to do with my month long hiatus? Everything.

See Lynda, who worry not fair readers, I am no less all-wrapped up in than I always have been, happened upon this blog you all love so much. Well, she was less than amused. She didn't really see the humor and requested that I (see beat me into) not posting anymore. I told her I wasn't gonna take down the blog, but I wouldn't add to it. So shh. If you see her, those who know or met her, or she might kill me.

Why would I risk my relationship for the blog? Honestly, cause I disagree with Lynda about it. It isn't really an homage or a tribute to Lynda, but really more of a way for me to input Relationship George into the world of Independent George. See, by entering a committed and bonding relationship with Lynda I have created the dual identities of relationship George and Independent George. IG is the me pre-Lynda. RG is the me post Lynda. This is a difficult struggle, much like the struggle those pictured above have with their secual identity, in order to maintain both aspects of my life. One always loses. Its just the way of the world. So, I want to keep IG going by inputting some of RG into it, in the way of keeping my friends informed with how I am thinking about Lynda and what is going on in the life of RG. I tell Lynda everythign about IG (well, almost everyting...) so there needs to be balance. Two men enter, two men leave? There can be more than one Highlander.

Happy All Hallows Eve everyone. Lets see those costumes babies!

2006-09-25T20:25:00.001-07:00

Waiting is the hardest part.

I know you all have been chomping at the proverbial bit (assuming Jesus was a centaur, which would be kinda awesome) for some news about Lynda. Believe me, when I don't hear from her for more than 8 hours, I often break into cold sweats, and there is a lot of weeping, much like how I behave after... cuddling.

I, however only have to wait for the dependable and always punctual Lynda, and you have have to wait for me to find the time to write about that bucket of sunshine and light, and she's hot. But rest assured, we have been spending lots of time together lately. We made a promise to watch the new fall pilots together and pick our shows for the season. There was some staples, she agreed to Lost and The Loop when they get back on the air, if I watch Grey's Anatomy. I vetoed Desperate Housewives and she blocked the Sunday Night Football game. All reasonable. On our list of new shows was:

Studio 60
Heroes
Six Degrees
Smith
Jericho
The Class
Ugly Betty

On top of that, we are gonna try to watch the Law & Order: SVU, My Name Is Earl, and The Office. Obviously, it's a full plate, but we are gonna do what we can, with a help from the multiple DVR's in the house.

So far the winners are:

Studio 60

The maybes are:

Ugly Betty
Heroes
Smith

The bads are:

Six Degrees
The Class

And lastly, the bad enough that we will keep watching to see how bad it gets...

JERICHO!

The Class almost cracked that list, but really, if it was Til Death or Happy Hour, which are already floating near the cancelled drain, but it was just bad. Skeet Ulrich, come on! He can't carry a show. Atomic radiation and doomsday in middle America! Ragnarok! Dare I say, the Rapture. Fuckin right! i know what you are thinking: But John, aren't you worried that watching a show about atomic explotions and violence might effect your relationship with your Asian baby? I thought so, too. But I am not trying to intern her... yet. Just watch some programs with her and bond. The winter months are coming, and we'll have to stop going on bike rides. Oh, that's right! I bought her the cutest old school bike last weekend and myself one, so that we can got on romantic rides around New York. Best bf ever? Damn straight.

So Wednesdays, the night time, get ready for your weekly Jericho report from my and my special lady. It's gonna be tragic. I gotta go finish watching Heroes now. I'll let you know how it goes...

2006-09-14T17:51:00.000-07:00

I totally dig where I live. This includes not only my vietnam themed bedroom, the America Room, the whole of the Hole @ Hellsgate, and also the surrounding area around my home. For instance, though I have explored a lot of it during my time when unemployment best described my work situation, or what historians will call my "In-Between" period. There will be a lot of people writing about my life. Most of them will be me. Anyway, Astoria Park is amazing. When Lynda was over the other night, we decided to take a nice romantic walk. Pergo came with us, too. We walked all around the park from Ditmars to Astoria Blvd, under the Hell's Gate Bridge and also the Triboro, and it was a really nice night out. A bit chilly, super romantic, and Pergo was there, too. We wandered around the perimeter and held some hands, Lynda and I, Pergo just walked near us. He was looking at the dogs that were around as he and Los Hermanos McInnes are really in the market for it. Lynda is all about it, too, which makes being against it hard. That is not to say I don't like dogs, cause I like dogs a lot, but I worry about a dog cooped up all alone in an apartment all day. Though Lynda has agreed to help out and walk it on occassion, when needed. And romantic dog walks sound like a pretty great idea to me! Sometimes Lynda and I practice by walking Pergo around the park. He chases squirrels. That's a weird word: squirrels.

If you are ever in the area of Astoria Park you should take a walk around. It really is beautiful. Andrew and Vanessa took a walk over the Triboro one day, which I would love to do sometime soon. Bridges are mostly awesome all the time. It's pretty much their distiguishing characteristic. Also, walks are like a fast-track to Make Out Town. And you're the mayor.

2006-09-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

Oh my my my. How does the time fly! It's been a month since I met my princess of the Orient. One month, and two days to be perfectly precise, and as you know, I am always precise, like a metronome. What is the one month anniversary, anyway? The Wicker anniversary? That certainly would make things easy, in that I would just take her to see the new movie with Wicker in the title. It seems like there have been a lot of movies in the last year with wicker in the title. Like two, two movies in the last year, which seems like it is probably two more than in the last fifty years, maybe since the first wicker movie that the new one is a remake of.

But I digress, as per usual. I am thinking that maybe on Friday I will take Lynda out somewhere nice, to where, I do not know. Any ideas, faithful readers? She is working Saturday, though off on Sunday, but I am going, thanks to Christo, to see the Mighty Patriots of New England defeat the Feeble Jets of ... are they from Long Island or New Jersey?, with the also man who is really buried in Grant's tomb, Grant Fraze. Lynda complains that sports gets in the way of our relationship, I say it only strengthens it, cause when footballs is happening, I am much happier. Sure it takes up roughly 20 hours of my 48 free weekend hours, but in those hours I am often drinking heavily and getting high on testotorone, which every girl likes in her guy.

Alcohol and testerone -- set it in Canada and you have "A Very Special Espisode of Degrassi" dealing with someone getting raped. Those Canadians. Oh, that reminds me, Lynda and I totally watched like nine hours straight of Degrassi a week or so back ... but maybe it was this weekend... I don't remember, but I finally saw the abortion espisode, which was very special indeed. But I still haven't seen the Kevin Smith ones. Maybe the month anniversary could be the Degrassi anniversary.

Lynda and I agree. Manny is a total slut.

2006-09-09T00:50:00.000-07:00

What a party! I am really excited Lynda finally got to meet a lot my friends. She came down to rock out to the musical song stylings of Augustana, the rockingest band to ever play my apartment. Basically, it was the best party ever. However, someone broke my door and the kegs got kicked WAY too early, but we persevere, cause that is how it goes in Astoria.

We had a great party, the band aucousticed it up until we made up words, which is basically all we can ask for. My baby and I danced it off till the lights came up in the earl' morn'. The Karaoke ran late, much to Maurice;s excitement, but the songs mostly were bad, real bad choices. She is mad at me though, cause I am going to the MET v DODGER game cause she is going to work at 3, but I am leaving much, much earlier. What a sweet dream.

Loving life.

Loving Lynda.

2006-09-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

Bob Wiley would have us believe there are two types of people in this world: those who love Neil Diamond and those who hate Neil Diamond. The ND is one of those rare circumstances where it is one or the other with little grey area. I for one am the exception, and am mostly indifferent. Though if given the choice between Coming to America and Seger's Hollywood Nights, the Seager wins it over and over and over. I don't know how Lynda feels about Neil Diamond or Bob Seger, but I would bet she loves Seger. No, our differences lie much, much deeper.

A few years ago I was told that there are people out there, terrifying as it might be, that don't like Ginger Ale.

Take that in a little.

I know it's hard.

I nearly feinted.

Lynda equates it with being sick, in that the only time she really drank ginger ale was when her stomach was upset. This upset my stomach. Anyone that knows me knows that I eat, sleep, and breathe... drinking ginger ale. When people ask me, "If you were trapped on a desert island...?" I always answer, quick as possible, "Schwepps Dry Grape Ginger Ale!"

Generally it's a question about a book, or CD or some stupid shit. But for the record, I would probably take The Count of Monte Cristo and probably the Sufjan Stevens' album that Pergo just sent me, Come On, Feel the Illinoise, cause I am totally into it. Though I really want to re-read Lois Lowry's The Giver, and maybe Jeff Buckley's Grace, but who knows. I always answer ginger ale, cause it's my favorite thing.

However, I am super conflicted. Lynda is my favorite new thing, but ginger ale has never let me down. She feels about ginger ale the way I feel about orange marmalade. She can't eat when it's on the table. Gross out city. Ginger ale! Come on! So when we go to dinner, I have to go without a cool, frosty glass of the GA. I like it in a chilled mug. She told me that ginger beer was okay, and I had to school her in the fact that ginger beer is never okay, except in a dark & stormy.

Instead of drinking ginger ale with dinner, she has me drinking wine, or beer or whatever. I think really she is just trying to get me all drunk so she can do things to me.

This doesn't mean I like ginger ale any less. It just means I am drunk more.

2006-09-04T20:22:00.000-07:00

What does Labor Day celebrate? Taking time off? I guess, I don't know. But regardless, how can you not like a half-day followed by a three day weekend, then a four day work week. It's a blessing. But I am probably gonna be busy as hell. But at least I didn't have work. Lynda did. Cause she is a wonderful worker, and people fly a lot on this weekend.

She was off on Friday and was really mad at me for going home. It was her first night off that I had off in weeks, and I could've left the next morning and still had time to get done what I "needed" to get done.

She wasn't happy. Especially when I called her and told her that I was stuck in Connecticutt in horrible and completely expected Connecticutt. She wanted me to hang out with her and then drive up afterwards when the traffic didn't suck. But I said I was gonna leave right after work to get a head-start and she told me that wouldn't work, but I didn't listen, cause, if you ask her, "I never listen". I don't know what's she's talking about.

2006-08-31T18:06:00.000-07:00

Lynda told me about her ex-boyfriends today. That's right, we had that "talk". I know what you're thinking, that talk is never a good idea, but it just comes up. I mean, it's inevitable, especially, when things get a little more... you know... up in dem guts.

I want you all to understand that I didn't instigate it. I would enjoy being blissfully ignorant of these facts. In reality, they could not be more inconsequential to me. Don't get me wrong, I collect secrets like rare coins or stamps, I stockpile like them like in the event of Armageddon, or the far more likely Armaghetto, they were canned food, guns, and bottled water. However, information like that doesn't fall into that secret category that is really necessary to know. That information helps me zero.

Lynda brought it up. She was tellign me about some espisode of Sex City that the Golden Girl that was like Blanche found some dude that was like the male equivalent of her, and when they went to have casual sex, he killed the mood by asking about AIDS tests.

Let me just say something here, why do people like this show? It seems fake, awkward and uncomfortable. And who wants to watch fake awkwardness. Good TV has plapable awkwardness, like Freaks and Geeks. That was a good show. Besides, how can you take that show seriously? They take cabs everywhere. Who can afford that?

Anyway, it brought up the exs conversation, which can be relationship leukemia. You don't die right away, but it builds, slowly breaking you down from the inside, killing you with the things that should be helping you. Then you get more questions, too many more, like white blood cells, then you die, a sad shell of what you once were. And she goes back to her old boyfriend. Like Envy Adams did to Scott Pilgrim ... but in the real world you might not have a cool American ninja like Ramona Flowers. Though I guess Lynda is my Knives Chau. But really, I like Kim Pine the best.

But really, it was okay. There is nothing good that you can here in that situation, but as far as those things go, it wasn't all that bad. She doesn't even seem to have hang ups on an old boyfriend, which is amazing. All the dudes kinda seemed like half assed casual boyfriends too, a very, right person, right time, but that time has passes. Which is really all y0u can hope for.

Oh, and go read Scott Pilgrim.

2006-08-29T21:36:00.000-07:00

My baby's got it all... baby. Not only is she sweet and supple, but she's got brains to compliment her beauty and prowess. She gives gives gives. And listens.

I was talking to her on the phone the other night and I was telling her about how I ahd just finished a bunch of books (Mailroom, Post Office, An Artist of the Floating World, Hard-Boiled and the End of the World, and am kinda sick of Disney Wars) and she was sympathetic, but wasn't that helpful. She is a big reader, and she reads good books. She is the one that introduced me to Raymond Chandler and Post Office, a Bukowski that I had never gotten around to reading, and she is always open to ideas. But she herself was in a reading slump. So to expand her horizons I passed her along Scott Pilgrim, which is mostly my second favorite thing in the world. The first is Lynda. Then probably the new CD's I got of music that was used in 60's and 70's italian porno. It's been a good week.

Anyway, this was probably Sunday night that I was talking to her. When I met up with her tonight she had a book for me. It's called "Fortress of Solitude" by Jonathon Lethem. It's a story of a kid growing up in Brooklyn in the 70's whose crazy hippy mother is nutso and gives him a screwed, but strangely enlightened world view, albeit completely scewed. Oh, and there is a shit load of talk about early comics in it. Jack Kirby, and Black Bolt, and Gwen Stacy, all used to illustrate points in the boys life and process to reach understanding. "Spider-man's girlfriend, Gwen, had been killed by the Goblin, it wasn't funny in the least. That's why Spider-man was so depressed all the time." Fucking brilliant. But he can totally separate the reality of what was happening in comics then in a way that a 10 year old wouldn't normally. "Captain Marvel wasn't Shazam, it was confusing. He'd been revived to assert a copyright on the name, and nobody could say whether he really fit into the Marvel Universe all that well. DC Comics, Marvel's Comics' antithesis, presented a laughable, flattened reality -- Superman and Batman were jokes, ruined by television."

Lethem gets it. And so does Lynda. She's a peach. Now she is reading Scott Pilgrim. You all should.

Oh, that picture is from a web-site, www.superdickery.com which tries to show, through classic covers, what an asshole Superman is. Hilarious.

2006-08-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

WOAH! I would hate to piss this Lynda off. Her name is Lynda Chicado and is in no way related to my heaping spoonful of sweet Ice Cream lovin, Lynda [last name withheld]! This Lynda is terrifying and muscular, though in her own completely not Lynda way, attractive. Look at that perfect part! Arms like that guy who does the infomercial about workout blah blahs! She kinda looks like Whinny Cooper, if WC went to Barry Bonds' trainer. That was a completely unnecessary dig at Barry Bonds, yet I stand by it fully.

Anywhos, I figured in honor of my spiritual compliment (in that SHE COMPLETES MY SOUL) and ray twin, Lynda, I would write about some other Lyndas that have been important to the world, though none quite as important as my Lynda is to my world. So I will score points rating Lyndas.

http://www.soveryposh.com/

This link brings you to a blog about some woman who has pets and a husband, and nothing else to write about. I know what you are thinking, this blog is dedicated to Lynda and she isn't even my wife! True, but to be fair, I am a lot better than this woman because I don't post lame ass lists titled "Stuff I like..." She likes dogs and her husband, but most of all being lame. And mexican food. Plus she Flikrs pictures of dogs. And her lame face. Edge, my Lynda.

Lynda - 1

Every other Lynda - 0

http://www.lyndarandle.com/

Lynda Randle, from what I can gather from the short look I had at the homepage of her web-site sings songs, probably about religion and spirits, and crap. And she has something called "Lynda's Corner" which is probaby where she had to sit a lot when she was a kid, cause most people must've thought she was retarded.

Lynda - 2

Every other Lynda - 0

http://www.bio.indiana.edu/facultyresearch/faculty/Delph.html

Lynda Delph is incredibly accomplished and looks like she is a leading authority in her field of study, rising to the rank of Accociate Chair of ... I guess the plant biology department at Rutgers. However, she teaches at Rutgers, and if I had to guess where she weighs in on the Pluto as a planet debate, she would be totally against it. She is a typical Pluto hater. Negative points for her plant loving ass.

Lynda - 2

Every other Lynda - -1

http://www.ilovehou.com/botabano/mypuffinpatch.html

I had a seizure when I looks at this. Terrible. Just look at the web-site! How is she still alive.

Lynda - 3

Every other Lynda - -1

http://www.lyndasandoval.com/

If you knows me you knows I LOVES reading me some books. However, her books have titles like Chicks Ahoy and One Perfect Man so she is not a real writer, and is in fact a group of four 13 year old girls at a slumber party talking about celebrities they would like to kiss. But really, most 13 year old girls now are probably whoring it up, betting how many guys they can blow before the end of the summer. You should be ashamed of yourself Lynda Sandoval.

Lynda - 4

Every other Lynda - -1

http://www.amazing-amazon.com/wwlynda.htm

Lynda Carter. She was tv's Wonder Woman. Debra Winger was her side-kick. It's a push

Lynda - 4

Every other Lynda - -1

Lynda Carter - 1/2

2006-08-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

This post is brought to you by the letter Y and the number 4.

Whyfore the y?

I way just chattin it up with the only girl I know that is as good, if not better, than $140 worth of pudding, wallowing in the sweet clinking of her voice, and we started talking about Sesame Street and what shows we watched in our respective youths. She really is very smart, but then again, to land planes she would have to be. It's a lot hard than it looks. But I will address all that in a later post, dedicated to new aviation and travel laws, and Lynda's thoughts about it, cause they are, like her, both groin grabbingly sexy and long winded. However, for now, Sesame Street.

We had been talking about something inconsequencial, like journalism, and I was asserting that it is tied together with freedom of speech, religion and the right to protest, and she started laughing at the idea of protesting newspapers, and told me she was gonna start protesting The Onion until it was funny again. I thought this was a great idea. She then told me about some article, the funniest one Lynda claimed to ever have read, about how the introduction of a gay muppet forced boycots from letters of the alphabet. Paraphrasing her air-quotation, she said, "Once 'Gary' was featured on the show, teaching about alternative lifestyles, the overly conservative number four was first to pull its sponsorship, and reverted back to its Roman numeral avatar IV," (there is a gay joke in IV, i just can't put my finger on it), "though others, most notably the letter Y have threatened to no longer endorse the program." While simultaneously laughing and trying to see down into her cleavage, I thought about the letter Y and finally asked her, whyfore does she spell her name with a Y for?

It's not that strange a story. Apparently one of her grandmothers was named Linda, the other Lydia. So her parents just combined them.

Kind of a let down.

2006-08-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I watched baseball all weekend. It was sensationally dissappointing for me personally on many levels. The Red Sox were as impotent as... god, i don't know, something that is known for its impotence, like a neon, cause its inert. I am totally off my game. Much like the Red Sox. So I guess the Red Sox are like me.

Anyway, Lynda had the weekend off so she came by and hung out for a while, which was awesome, only I think we was hoping for a weekend of canoodling and the occassional grope / molestation, eventually resulting in awkward coitus and minimal weeping. However, thanks to the combined 72 hours of almost straight baseball, none of it particularly good. Lynda isn't really a baseball fan, in that she loathes it. I thought Asians liked baseball, like Ichiro, and Matsui, and ... the other Matsui. Anyway, I guess she's not Japanese, or she doesn't like baseball. Although, after this weekend I don't really either.

But I don't like explaining baseball to people anymore than people who don't like having baseball explained to them. Also, it's hard to explain why I watch a game that is clearly a lost cause, and why it matters, and stuff. She was being really unreasonable, and, to be fair, I was as well, so obviously it went well. As well as the Red Sox bullpen pitched, which is with a high ERA.

So long story short, which really at this point is more of a long story, made only longer by my inclusion of the phrase, "long story short..." twice, we watched a lot of baseball. She is no more a fan.

Thank god it's almost football season.

2006-08-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

We got ourselves a ballgame.

Lynda thinks I need a haircut. Normally, I would say "This clingy bitch ain't gonna change me!" and I would kick her to the curb faster than her Chinese parents would have gotten rid of her for being born the wrong gender. That is if she is Chinese. I am not sure if she is. Pergo and I had chinese (I am not sure if that should be capitalized... Bell Hooks would say know, but she is a woman with a small brain, it's sciene) food from the place around the corner. It was pretty good. Lotta food. What was I talking about? Oh right, hair.

Anyway, she was giving me shit about my hair, and she was anyone else, I would have flipped out, but she is a special lady; my special lady, so we had a meaningful discussion instead, like mature couples. She made some really good points, like if I don't get my hair cut she is gonna stop shaving.

I'm calling her bluff.

2006-08-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Lynda totally made me the best mix-tape ever. It has all OUR favorite songs, that are our favorite cause they mean something special to just her and I. The track list is:

Dirty Pop - n'Sync
Whip You with a Strap - Ghostface aka Tony Starks
Love Like a Glove - Reggie and the Full Effect
Bittersweet Me - REM
Don't Sit Next to Me Just Because I'm Asian - Ben Lee
The Luckiest - Ben Folds
All For Love - Bryan Adams, Rod Stewert, Sting
El Scorcho - Weezer
Do You Realize - Flaming Lips
Such Great Heights - Postal Service

I am gonna listen to it all day at work tomorrow. Oh, that's right, I am employed.

2006-08-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

Summer is just slip sliding by, but the days are just packed...

with new love!

Lynda told me tonight on the phone that she was a big Calvin and Hobbes fan. Well I almost shit myself like that new girl on Flavor of Love did. Lynda and I both thought that the whole situation, you know, the one where the contestant / masochist / crazy bitch with the bowel control problem SHIT ON THE FLOOR IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OPPULANT MANOR IN FRONT OF FLAVA FLAV, wasn't portrayed as insanely as it needed to be. No excuses either like "Miss Sumpthin' (her name given by Flav) has been battling obesecity and early onset Chrone's all her life, resulting in Tourette's of the bowels." Imagine if Mel Giboson had done that? No one would remember his drunken tirade about the Chosen People! But that isn't true for all celebreties mind you, Suri Cruise could do it and get a standing ovation, that is, if the child of prophecy exists. Do you think the Pitt-Jolie baby and the Cruise-Holmes offspring will one day make it on the future's version of Celebrity boxing show down? Goddamn I hope so. Lynda does too. No PR machine in the world can maintain this celebrity status forever. Lynda asked if anyone has created a countdown till they are legal. Half of me hopes so, half of me dreads the idea. Lynda is all for it, and voting for an all former-celebrity porno, hosted by the only living Olsen twin.

2006-08-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

People! Relax! I am gonna start posting pictures of Lynda soon. I don't have a digital camera, so I have been taking pictures with a crappy disposable and have to get them developed then scan them. I know, I know, I am crawling my way to the 1990's. I should probably get a digital camera.

More news later!

2006-08-13T21:49:00.000-07:00

Imagine what this guy's parents must have looked like?

I read a lot of stuff. I write, too! And Lynda, totally knows how to read! One of the things that I have read this year and really enjoyed was a book called Freakonomics. Every so often I check out the blog and read what the writers are working on. Found a GREAT posting.

Basically it totally explains what a creature of graceful perfection like Lynda is doing with a handsome sack of man-awesome like me. I have shapely calves. Basically it boils down to the fact that good looking people are more likely to have daughters, and there are more women than men, so women have to settle. And I reap all the benefits.

This is not to say that Jan and BD aren't good looking people. In fact, my parents in their day were quite the lookers, and in their times vernacular would be considered "a handsome pair" cause people talked like retards then. So I am appropritately attractive. But Lynda is just way too good looking for me.

Science and math are silly. But wonderful. Much like Lynda. And she is asian, so she is good at math and science.

Love.

2006-08-11T08:45:00.000-07:00

It's been THREE DAYS since I last saw my lady love Lynda. We obviously talk on the phone every night, but still, it's not the same. We have plans to get together this weekend, but the crazy schedule of landing planes is not an easy one to make plans around. Also, she does amateur underground Thai kickboxing three nights a week. She started with Tae-bo in high school and moved on to cardio-kickboxing classes. It was a very natural progression. I haven't been to a fight yet, she says that white people often get stabbed. I guess this means she might be Thai, but she doesn't look like a Navajo Indian like Johnny Damon. Is it just me or is it really funny to watch him girleshly lob in fly balls from centerfield. Hell, I think El Guapo (the baseball player, not the villian from the movie Three Amigos) could score from first on a deep double. But I digress.

Anyway, my little Ong-Bak has Tiger upper-cut her way into my heart, and no amount of referree interference or submissions holds will get me to tap out!

Until next time!

2006-08-10T10:15:00.003-07:00

Hey everyone. After years of waiting it finally happened. I am in fact in love!

Alright, on to the good stuff.

Her name is Lynda, as you can tell, perfectly spelled with a "Y" which is instantly more amazing than the other way. In fact I always thought that Linda was kinda an old woman name, and as you all know, I have no patience for old people. Cept for the old Pope, cause he completed the circle of life in that, like a baby, in the twighlight of his years, he cold no longer hold up his head either. And of course Nana, cause she is mighty. Anyway, back to my sweet piece of beautiful baby pie, Lynda. I met her at the supermarket, in the produce section, buying mangos and guavas for smoothies. I was instantly attracted to her personal style, in that she was wearing a jump / speed suit, which I thought was strange. We got to talking and she told me that she lands planes at the air port. The person with the lightsabers that tells the planes where to land. What a great job! See the above picture for visual extrapolation of her career. She is also totally into death, and we all know what that means -- GOTH! But not like dark make up, pale face nonsense, but totally into death. I like my women like I like my architecture ... GOTHIC!

I am so full of smit! Smitten kitten!

Okay, so anyway, she is asian. I am not sure what kind of asian, but one of the ones from Asia, and not Eurasia. I think. I am not usually into the taste of the orient, but this girl totally blew me away. We ended up food shopping the rest of the way together. She drinks PBR. That pretty much sealed the deal.

I was so awkward when I met her. Kinda like that thing Porter found about Natalie on the Inturweb. Tool city. I was fumbling and stuttering, trying to ask her for her name and number, it was sad. People around me stared with pity in their eyes and hearts. Here is a dialogue.

Me: So listen, I gotta go, but I would love to, uh, maybe, get your number...?
Lynda: That sounds great.
Me: Cause you know, just to see if this is anything and whatever...
Lynda: Yeah.
Me: Cause, like, you really seem like you could be THE ONE!

Lynda then stopped taking the phone out of one of the many pockets of her jumpsuit, looking at me nervously, causing me to then quickly, and panickingly stutter, "Kidding! I was kidding, I mean you seem great, but that's not what I ... uh ... Can we please hang out?" And of course, cause she is perfect, laughed a glorious, though baritone laugh, and said something like, "Of course, silly!". I nearly passed out. It was awesome.

I have been looking for something to write about lately, thinking about starting a blog, and I never really had any inspiration. She is my inspirado! I hope everyone enjoys reading about her as much as I love loving her!