Lynda - The Best Thing to Ever Happen to Me

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

This is Lynda. This blog is about her. Obviously Lynda is older now than she was when this picture was taken. She hates that I show people this picture, and secretly I told her I wouldn't anymore but it's so adorable. How do you not? Crazy! Anyway, those just joining us, Lynda is my wonderful, sweetpiece of perfection pie that met at the supermarket back in September. She works at an airport where she is the plane lander on the tarmack. She is also amazing.

Anyway, this picture is in my possession because she and I were talking about food and it's effects on the human body. Specifically, foods effects on my body. Okay, really, we were out to dinner and couldn't find a place to go and she was like "let's just go to the olive garden". And I didn't want to but she was frustrated and cold and jsut watned to go somewhere close. I had to breakdown and tell her my deep dark secret about the olive garden.

It puts me to sleep. The food at the OG knocks me out. I sleep for like the entire meal. When I was a kid, whenver we would go, I would fall asleep facedown in my food. Without fail, everytime. Last time I went there I was probably 18 and same thing, I was passing out at the table so I went and slept in the car for the rest of the meal. Fuck that place.

She laughed when I revealed my painful past, which, I'll admit, stung my soul gently. I threw on some silent treatment and she felt bad, and to make me feel better, emailed me this picture.

Clearly we're soulmates!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Jack from LOST and the Greatest Band in the World, nay known universe seemed like it would be an amazing line-up for Saturday Night Live, despite the floundering and freshman cast with very few high points, but even a good host-musical guest combo couldn't drag the show out of it's unfunny depths. But no. Lynda and I watched about 45 minutes of the show and laughed a combined once, but to be fair, Lynda doesn't watch LOST so she missed many of the jokes about the show. "What's up with the smoke monster? I think it's a mix of nightmares and trees." It made me chuckle. Even the D couldn't really get it done. This new album, soundtrack to the movie they are praying reaches clut status, has been subfar and not funny. The problem is, Jack Black is too famous. The D was only funny when they had these huge egos that they stroked themselves and for eachother since no one else would. Now everyone can't wait to love Jack Black up and dow until he tells them to say stop; and JBles isn't telling anyone to stop. Personally, they were the best concert I have ever seen: and I have seen the Monkees.

Anyway, what happened to the days of a funny SNL sketches? When I was a kid I remember watching old espisodes from the 70's and 90's (not the scary 80's espisodes, those were really bad kind of likeit is now) and KIDS IN THE HALL and the old british WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY and really loving shows like that. Nothing really reached the level of SNL of those times, but KIDS and later THE STATE and UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE came really close. Amy Pohler remains one of the consistantly funny people on the current SNL cast, along with Fred Armison, who is better then he is given credit for. Andy Sandberg also has moments of brilliance beyond his over played raps. And of course, I always have a soft spot for Kenan cause he made it all the way from ALL THAT. I respect that. Take that Kel and Little Pete!

Does anyone remember THE DANA CARVEY SHOW? I think it was 4 espisodes and it helped Los Steves (Carrell and Colbert respectively) get more jobs before the early Daily Shows launched them to superstardom.

Lots of good stuff. Funny before things were funny.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Lynda and John agree, we are not okay with Britney Spears' vagina. At all. There is nothing that could make us look at it again, except that we can't stop. This lead us to think, what is up with this sudden rise in people who hang out with Paris Hilton not ever wearing underwear and showing off the world to the world. I am of course talking about not only the BritSpea and the FireCrotch (and while we're at it, if Brandon "Douchefest" Davis ever saw said Groin-En-Fuego, he would have known her womb hole is ass hairless as it was when she came out of her mother's) showing off their lady bits for all the world to see. If I never see another vagina for the rest of my life... Wait, that is not true. If I ever have to see another celebrity's vagina I'm gonna throw up all on my keyboard. What is wrong with this country? Britney and Paris were all over CNN. CNN! That's what really makes me throw up.

Next week it's gonna be Dakota Fanning's vagina all over Perez or some other blog, for the world to see.

Fucking gross.

Friday, November 10, 2006

When I was in high school, not meaning to brag, but I was kind of a big deal. I was mostly a local celebrity. I had many exposes written about me in various newspapers, and people... well, let's just say a lot of people knew my name. However, I did basically everything just shy of joining the band to sabotage my status in high school. I read comics, I hung out at coffee shops, I didn't drink or do drugs but still went to parties. It's true, I did smoke and play sports, but still, it's amazing I ever was allowed to make out with a girl in high school. And boy do I love making out. When I was in my sophomore year, playing soccer for the Falmouth clippers, a group of us decided we were a lot like the WCW's NWO (New World Order) Red so we started following their wrestling careers and assumed monikers. I know what you are thinking, clearly I was Macho Man! But no... turns out I was assigned Konan. That was okay, I was appropriately rowdy rowdy and bowdy bowdy.

I was telling this story to Lynda the other night and she was listening intently but when I mistakenly refered to Scott Hall as Razor Ramone, she stopped me and said "But he was only Razor Ramone when he was in the WWF". I was understandably taken aback. How did she know about that? Oh, my, I thought, was (is?!) she a fan?

It turns out during high school she used to attend Raw is War parties, much like I used to, and watch wrestling, with two TV set up to see both WWF's Raw and WCW's Monday night wrestling. Why wasn't I watching football then on Monday nights? I was probably only watching the Patriots then anyway. But I digress. Who me?

So my baby used to watch the wrestling. I can't tell if that make me love her a little more or a lot more. I am leaning towards a whole lot. Her favorite was Rey Mysterio Jr. We talked about when he upset Kevin Nash during Starcade. Then they made him a member of NWO Red. Macho Man was always my favorite. Dating back to the Miss Elizabeth days. Was there a more pure love and vicious love triangle than Hogan - Savage - Miss Elizabeth in the history of the world? I don't know about the love triangle, but as for pure love???

Not till I met Lynda.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

So far so good. Lynda hasn't noticed that I am posting again. I was letting a couple of days go by to see if it sparked any more angst, but it seems that month without posting was all we needed. We being you and I. I being me. You being the reader. Unless this is Lynda, in which case, you would've been her. No modifier left dangling!

Anyways... Lynda and I haven't spent much time together lately. Iknow what you are thinking, but don't worry, everything is totally cool. It just that she has been super busy lately. The airport business is a strange one to be sure, but not really all that different. Busy season is the high traffic season, holidays and blah blah and to get time off she has to accumulate hours now. We don't have any concrete plans, nor really any abstract, but that is the time that I have off, so we were thinking of working something out. I wonder if she gets travel discounts?

I asked.

It's weird. She's an airport employee technically, which classifies her as a government employee. And since she works the international tarmacs, she is a federal employee who is covered under all kinds of securities clearances and what not. However since she is not a direct employee of a particular airline, she doesn't really get discounts. It's crazy. And a huge complaint for the union. They also don't like when you call their glowsticks light sabers or make Star Wars references. Seriously. They get real pissed off. And, oddly enough, those sticks get really hot and can burn a little. Like sunburn burn. Nothing major, just annoying. Like people that reference Star Wars.

So we are gonna try to go somewhere maybe around teh holidays. Which? No idea. Where? No idea. We are using Napoleon's plan.

Show up. See what happens.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Lets get one thing straight: secrets always make friends. Especially really good secrets. There is a common misconception that secrets DON'T make friends. Teachers would tell you this when you would whisper in class in elementry school. I fondly remember my CCD teacher tell me that and I always wanted to argue with her, but she had God on her side and I rarely do. Anyway - what do secrets and friend making have to do with my month long hiatus? Everything.

See Lynda, who worry not fair readers, I am no less all-wrapped up in than I always have been, happened upon this blog you all love so much. Well, she was less than amused. She didn't really see the humor and requested that I (see beat me into) not posting anymore. I told her I wasn't gonna take down the blog, but I wouldn't add to it. So shh. If you see her, those who know or met her, or she might kill me.

Why would I risk my relationship for the blog? Honestly, cause I disagree with Lynda about it. It isn't really an homage or a tribute to Lynda, but really more of a way for me to input Relationship George into the world of Independent George. See, by entering a committed and bonding relationship with Lynda I have created the dual identities of relationship George and Independent George. IG is the me pre-Lynda. RG is the me post Lynda. This is a difficult struggle, much like the struggle those pictured above have with their secual identity, in order to maintain both aspects of my life. One always loses. Its just the way of the world. So, I want to keep IG going by inputting some of RG into it, in the way of keeping my friends informed with how I am thinking about Lynda and what is going on in the life of RG. I tell Lynda everythign about IG (well, almost everyting...) so there needs to be balance. Two men enter, two men leave? There can be more than one Highlander.

Happy All Hallows Eve everyone. Lets see those costumes babies!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Waiting is the hardest part.

I know you all have been chomping at the proverbial bit (assuming Jesus was a centaur, which would be kinda awesome) for some news about Lynda. Believe me, when I don't hear from her for more than 8 hours, I often break into cold sweats, and there is a lot of weeping, much like how I behave after... cuddling.

I, however only have to wait for the dependable and always punctual Lynda, and you have have to wait for me to find the time to write about that bucket of sunshine and light, and she's hot. But rest assured, we have been spending lots of time together lately. We made a promise to watch the new fall pilots together and pick our shows for the season. There was some staples, she agreed to Lost and The Loop when they get back on the air, if I watch Grey's Anatomy. I vetoed Desperate Housewives and she blocked the Sunday Night Football game. All reasonable. On our list of new shows was:

Studio 60
Six Degrees
The Class
Ugly Betty

On top of that, we are gonna try to watch the Law & Order: SVU, My Name Is Earl, and The Office. Obviously, it's a full plate, but we are gonna do what we can, with a help from the multiple DVR's in the house.

So far the winners are:

Studio 60

The maybes are:

Ugly Betty

The bads are:

Six Degrees
The Class

And lastly, the bad enough that we will keep watching to see how bad it gets...


The Class almost cracked that list, but really, if it was Til Death or Happy Hour, which are already floating near the cancelled drain, but it was just bad. Skeet Ulrich, come on! He can't carry a show. Atomic radiation and doomsday in middle America! Ragnarok! Dare I say, the Rapture. Fuckin right! i know what you are thinking: But John, aren't you worried that watching a show about atomic explotions and violence might effect your relationship with your Asian baby? I thought so, too. But I am not trying to intern her... yet. Just watch some programs with her and bond. The winter months are coming, and we'll have to stop going on bike rides. Oh, that's right! I bought her the cutest old school bike last weekend and myself one, so that we can got on romantic rides around New York. Best bf ever? Damn straight.

So Wednesdays, the night time, get ready for your weekly Jericho report from my and my special lady. It's gonna be tragic. I gotta go finish watching Heroes now. I'll let you know how it goes...